how is it that i still let my mother hi jack my day? she makes me so angry, and she is so oblivious to the fact that she makes me angry, even when i am point blank telling her “It makes me angry when this happens”
it makes me feel small and petty on the one hand to complain about her asking me for help with a quilt she agreed to make for a friend. after all quilting is my gig. but that is part of the point – it’s MY gig. ever since i was small she has horned in on everything i do. it always felt like i never really had anything i didn’t have to share. that’s a whole ‘nother story.
this chapter involves my mom agreeing to do this quilt because i can help, by which she means i can basically design it and write a pattern for her, and spoon feed her directions every step of the way for something that she is perfectly capable of doing herself.
after the umpteenth call about this quilt over the last 2 (YES 2!) years, where i once again grimaced as i explained the drawing i had done for the 6th time ( i mean i physically have drawn this out 6 times, and then have explained 10 + times for each drawing) i finally said, i have to be done with this. there is nothing in this project that you can’t do. if you were someone taking my class i would have only done one drawing, and made you plan it out yourself, because you never get it when i do it for you.
i know this only a symptom of a bigger issue that i thought we had kind of cleared up. my mother is a master at passsive aggressive manipulation. my intense desire to not be like her, means there are alot of things in life i shy away from – fearful that her voice will subconsciously come out of my mouth. and fearful that once again she will nudge her way into any endeavor or relationship i have.
i know how small and vindictive this makes me sound. it’s so hard to explain. she is such a master. it has taken years for my sisters in law to see what my brothers and i mean when we would bristle at the sound of her voice.
it’s really gotten better in the last few years, but this quilt thing could just send over the edge again.
