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Archive for the ‘day to day’ Category

hermitage

it’s the last few days of spring break.  i’ve spent most of it holed up here, still not seeing many people.  i got quite a bit accomplished – still nothing close to my plans, but i am a little over zealous about plans.  i’ve stopped bristling when the phone rings, and yesterday, i even answered [...]

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how is it that i still let my mother hi jack my day?  she makes me so angry, and she is so oblivious to the fact that she makes me angry, even when i am  point blank telling her “It makes me angry when this happens”
it makes me feel small and petty on the one [...]

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is there really a difference? are they two sides of the same coin? if it were just a matter of telling myself to sit down and get it done, well that’d be one thing, but i HAVE to contemplate every decision, and weigh the pros and cons, and calculate how that action will impact this [...]

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mmmhmmmm…..

i am so lucky.  i know it.  not many people can afford the luxory of wallowing like i’ve been doing.  i have been making it to work, and putting on what i hope is a positive enough show that folks don’t really sense the depth of my angst and anxiety.  then i go home, because [...]

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life lesson

so, i’m driving home from working at school, listening to obama speak about his plans for the military, and he tells a story of two young marines who defended their corp from an oncoming suicide bomb truck, and how at the cost of their brave lives, so many more were saved.
thank god i was home [...]

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really

it seems like this place has gotten a little melodramatic as of late and i guess i’m going to decide to be okay with that.  normally in life i would force myself to shift gears and sing and dance and fight a way to be entertaining.  but, i feel like i am always, “on.”   i [...]

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too much

it’s just too much.  i thought i could do this and learn some new skills, skills i really need to learn, but maybe not with this project.  maybe with this project i’m supposed to learn to ask for help.  it was easy enough to get people to help with making blocks, well, kind of easy. [...]

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nearby

you know how sometimes nothing is really wrong, but nothing is really right, and you know you’re supposed to be figuring out the answer to one of those really big life questions, and sometimes, you come up with an answer, but it’s realllly hard to get yourself out of that rut you were in and [...]

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mania?

I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but, I’m not certain where this sudden surge of energy has come from.  Still experiencing the social phobia that keeps me in my house when I don’t have somewhere specific to be.  But for the last week, I’ve been getting so much done, it makes [...]

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too much

too much life. definitely too much death. too much anxiety all around.

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