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nobody else asked either

stream of concsiousness

enter at your own risk

so, here’s the story. another blogger wrote about some trouble in their relationship. it’s a strange relationship and has been so for as long as i’ve been reading. all of a sudden last week things got to such a point that that my friend left. unable to find a motel room and sleeping in the car. this is indeed the saddest chapter yet in this saga. I couldn’t comment and wish my friend well because i was really struggling with what to say. something inside me felt like this was big. i realize this morning that what was niggling me, was the fact that none of the other commenters mentioned this either, and had the gender roles been reversed it might have been a constant concern. no one asked if he was safe. not just in the get in out of the car somewhere with four walls shelter safe, but, safe from physical, emotional and verbal abuse in your relationship. we wouldn’t hesitate to ask a woman, why do we step around the issue for a man? having worked at a shelter for battered women i know the importance of asking this uncomfortable question. i also know that women are abusers as well as victims. and abusive women can be as charming and friendly and unsuspecting as their male counterparts. gender differences in our society still expect us to “protect” our womenfolk, so asking if a woman is safe is seen as kind and caring. but asking a man if he is safe from the woman he loves, could be seen as emasculating and not the same kind of caring as asking a woman. arrgh! this is why i couldn’t leave a comment. it’s a book. and obviously i have some of my own unresolved issues floating in the mix, and he doesn’t need to deal with my shit on top of his. so what does a “friend” do? my first response to reading that a female friend left her partner and was sleeping in the car would have been to quietly ask if she was safe, and hope to god that when she told me she was, it was true. i owe him the same respect don’t i?

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