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Archive for the ‘self’ Category

The Name Game

Caron

Someone with my name ran across my other blog this week and left me a comment. How cool is that?! The comment and, someone else with my name! I’m not certain how she pronounces hers. Mine is Car + on, NOT Care + on.

By the time I was in 4th grade I was so tired of being called Karen, that I took action. It caused my 4th grade teacher some worry, ( Honey, is everything ok? You’ve been mis-spelling you own name.) Knowing my phonics, I determined that if I just dropped that damn “o,” there should be no other option that to call me Carn (Car + on, just a little shorter.)

Well, there were. Carrie, Cam, still Karen, and one year I was registered at camp as Carl. I was too young to appreciate how much fun that could have been! Legally, it’s always stayed Caron. Carn became my nickname. I’m probably the only person whose nickname and name are pronounced the same.

A name like Caron is unusual. I can’t get any good stories out of parents as to where the choice came from. I was supposed to be named Denise, but, my aunt and uncle named their daughter Denise a few months before I was born.

People often assume it’s my last name, and then ask for my first name. When I declare, that was my first name, very few people apologize. They most often tell me that my name is pretty. And I always think to myself, HUH??? Pretty??? You thought it was my last name!! Yes, you’re right. Everyone knows the more lyrical, beautiful names are the last names. It’s not that I don’t like my name. I do. I just don’t find it pretty. I can’t imagine having any other name. Would I have become as unique and creative an individual if my name was normal? I’m thinking not.

I have caused a bit of consternation among my friends and family in the last year or so, as I have gone back to the original spelling for many things. It has to be legal on driver’s license, and checkbooks, documents etc… I like the way it looks with the “o” better than the 4 letters.

Some friends have postulated that when I dropped that “o” the winter of “74 – “75 I may have sent it’s energy off to someone who was just starting her broadcasting career. She’s gotten a long way with it, even using it as her magazine’s title. I could really use a little of that energy for myself just now, so I’m reclaiming my “o.”

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24

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What a difference a day makes. Whatever evil took over the last couple of days has vanished. I’m not going to say I’m 100% functional, but sitting up without watching the room spin is a good start.

I have worked a bit on my resume, and applied for a couple of things online. Monster wants to know my, “target career title.” Well, so do I. I’m a flexible, intelligent, trainable monkey, and am capable of doing many things. I hate to put myself in one little pigeonhole and miss out on something interesting. I don’t necessarily have to do what I have done before. A new challenge would be nice. I’m going to have to think about this.

I’m going to go work on a new pattern to publish and sell. Can I put famous quilter in the target title?

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I have a bunch of things to catch up on today. Including actual laundry. I’ll spare you photos of that.

First off, many, many thanks for the massive love you sent me yesterday on the war project. The MPR interview was like an early Christmas gift. I am humbled.

Next, THANKS! to Gerrie who sent me this delicious hand dyed(with indigo) scarf as part of the Pay It Forward game. You can play too! if you are one of the first 3 commenters, I will make something and send it to you within the next 365 days. I am only doing this for those who comment. I love the e-mails too, but, good grief my comment section is lonely!

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Gerrie gets a second round of THANKS! It was on her blog that I saw the flags at Reed College that lead to the big war memorial project. Once again, I am humbled.

Be*mused had a link to a nice tutorial for flying geese blocks yesterday. As promised, here is a photo of a quilt I made a few years ago. I used a very similar method to create this modern take on the traditional. I love how we can start out with a similar idea, use similar methods, and end up with totally different results!

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I have more stuff for you, but, not more time right now. I will be gone tomorrow, there might be exciting news by the weekend…….

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I worked retail for many, many years.  Most of the time I really enjoyed it. I’m good with the B. S.  and have a talent for merchandising.  Shoes to  kitchenware to fabric.

The holidays, however were a completely different  tune.  I became burnt and more than a little humbug about them.  To be honest, my retail  friends and I would greet each other during the holidays with, “And a Bah FUCKING Humbug to you too!”  It was bad.

Thank goodness for twinkling holiday lights.  The blue ones especially calm my inner humbug.  If I don’t hear too much holiday music  I get pretty close to having actual holiday cheer.

Things have gotten much better in the last few years.  Every other year my family gets gifts from me.  Wait, wait, on the, “other,” years I do a charity gift on our behalf.   Last year we bought a llama for a family in a developing country.  I made everyone llama ornaments for their trees.  This year I get to go shopping and creating again.  The odd thing is I’m actually in the mood.  The Holiday Spirit.

Neil has the Holiday Spirit as well.  Over at Citizen of the Month he’s hosting an online Arts and Crafts Festival.   You should go.

I’m seriously considering putting up my tinsel tree this year.  Maybe on Saturday.  It’s supposed to SNOW, and that always says Holiday Spirit.

Check back Monday for details on my Public Radio debut……….

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Sometimes

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Sometimes you get what you ask for.  Even when it’s not necessarily what you thought you meant.  I wanted permission from the universe to be done with something.  I said I would need a significant sign that I’m headed in the right direction to continue.  S.F.D.  I know it’s all good, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

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This weekend is the apex of the Leonid meteor shower.  There’s a field approach off a certain county road.  A friend and I went every year, and we saw some amazing stuff! I can still see the green tail, almost comet like,  that swept all the way across the sky before it disappeared.   We saw 30 some shooting stars that night.

My plan is to go again tonight. If he shows up too, well I guess he shows up too.

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detail of the memorial project

So, this blog is my safe place where I can whine about things I try to stay upbeat about on my other blog. Ok, not so much upbeat, as much as I just don’t like to express how utterly sad and overwhelmed I get about the war, and the project I have undertaken. My mom reads the other blog, and she would worry too much if she knew how negatively this affects me sometimes. My other blog is at http://andstillcounting.blogspot.com and chronicles the progress of a fiber art memorial I started last spring.

You can read about the progress of the project (and sign up to help! PLEASE!!) over there. Over here I need to say that there are about 300 completed blocks in my home. Each block represents 213 deaths. That means I have the symbolic representation of 63,900 souls in my living room.

Most of the time I hold up alright with that. I had a big break about it this summer. I cried and cried when I realized how much death this is. We had some talks, those blocks and I. They know that my intentions are honorable and I don’t mean to exploit them. I simply want them to be remembered. I want us to stop and think about what responsibility we have as a nation. As citizens of the world.

But, it is so much. The war debt is up to 1.9 TRILLION dollars. Are there numbers after trillion? ( I know there are, but, for the life of me I don’t want to know how to count that high.) I have reached a saturation point. I can’t listen to the news without having panic attacks. I listen to a story about a soldier who died, and know that he rests on my living room floor. At times I can find comfort in that, but, mostly it makes me sad these days.

I need to be doing more PR for this so that it can get out and be seen now that it is of a significant quantity, but I am so tired of it I can barely talk about it. Every time I decide to pack it all in, something happens from out of nowhere to encourage me, so, it seems like this is something I just need to figure out how to do.

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