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osho

“suffering is not holding you.

you are holding suffering.

when you become good at the art of letting suffering go, then you come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you.

you’ll see that no one else other than you was responsible.

the truth is that existance wants your life to be a festival.”

– osho

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pink & orange

pink & orange

I so did not want to do what really needed to be done today.  I have huge issues with pr type stuff.  Something about it feels bragadocious and boastful.  I know that it really isn’t, and no one is ever going to know about this war project if I don’t get out and tell them, but it’s really hard.

Somehow when I speak to people about it, it ends up back at me and “what an awe inspiring idea”  I had, and it feels too much about me, and it’s not supposed to be about me.  The whole rest of my life is selfishly about me.

Instead of whining, I’ll post some photos of someone elses charity project that I maniacally worked on instead of my own.

project improv block

another project improv block

another project improv block

project improv block

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Front Page News!!

It was a busy week when I couldn’t get into the blog.  I have lots to share.

A #1….  I got a job!!  In my field!!!  It’s only part- time, but it’s a foot in the door.  I start Monday morning as a Para Professional in an Early Childhood Special Education classroom.  The school is only 10 blocks from my house, so I get to walk and be good to the environment and myself.

I’m really excited about this.  As far as jobs go, working at the abortion clinic was the job that has given me the greatest sense of pride and the only times I’ve really felt patriotic about something.  Truly standing up for what I believe in the face of extreme opposition felt right.

But my job as Children’s Services Coordinator gave me a longer lasting feeling of having really done something worthwhile.  I am anxious to do meaningful work again.

It seems wrong that the more soul sucking a job was, the more stability it provided me.  My last job paid me well enough.  I don’t require a lot, so, it was fine.  But I never went home feeling like I had accomplished anything.  Like I’d solved a problem, made a difference. Now I’ll be doing something that truly adds value to the world and will struggle to make rent and pay my bills.

If I have to choose between filling soul and my pocket book, my soul’s gonna win this time.

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100_0489_edited.jpg

This is a piece that is most unlike the rest of my work. It was made after 9/11, during the anthrax scare. At the time, I worked in the mailing department of my company, and was absolutely terrified of anthrax. I know it was ridiculous. I knew it then.  But I just couldn’t shake it.

I had worked at an abortion clinic that actually had been bombed, (it was a small bomb and caused very little damage, but still…) and infiltrated by protesters, none of which caused me excessive anxiety. I was certainly more threatened in my tenure at the clinic than I was handling a few postal totes everyday.

Perhaps it was  easier to control my anxiety at the clinic because I knew I was working for something I really feel strongly about.  Control of my body is my right, and my responsibility.

My job at the clinic was always one of my favorite jobs.  Interesting, and challenging work, standing up for something I believe in.

Today is the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.  It saddens me that we are still having to fight so hard to maintain what should be a fundamental right for women.  We don’t offer honest sex education to our children,  some pharmacists think it’s ok to deny morning after meds, and in some cases birth control to women.  More stuff I will never understand.

Women are strong and intelligent beings who deserve the right to control our own destinies as we see fit.

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Frost

It’s freakishly cold here today. 17 below last I checked. It has put some gorgeous frost on all of my windows. I find myself moving from room to room, following the sun so I can be hypnotized by all the little prisms.

I wish I was a better photographer. I could share some of this. You’ll just have to trust me.

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Brilliant Failure?

hangover100_0890.jpg

As an art student, I didn’t take too kindly to critique sessions. I was still awfully thin – skinned, and I’m not sure I could find my self esteem if you’d given me a map with an X on it. So, in a critique of a color theory assignment that had a “recipe” to essentially follow, and on my third attempt I still hadn’t accomplished the desired outcome, I took great offense at my professor’s critique that I had created a, “Brilliant Failure.” I couldn’t hear the, “Brilliant.” What I heard was, “No one has ever failed in such a monumental way.” I did not return to art classes the next semester.

Part of the issue was my hyper-sensitivity, and part of it was I wasn’t working in “my” medium. There was nothing for fiber studies in the art department then except for perhaps a seminar on weaving. Part too, was the fact that I was student who was supposed to make mistakes so I could learn from them. I really don’t like making mistakes.

A few years later I had that prof again in a combo class about art and music. Brainstorming with a group, I was explaining one of my off the wall ideas, when he interrupted the football player who was dismissing my idea, to say hold on she knows what she’s doing. The light bulb shone – Finally I understood “brilliant failure.” He had meant, in that long ago critique, that even though the results of my attempt to follow that color recipe didn’t necessarily work as they should have, the results were still brilliant.

The quilt at the top of this post is another of my brilliant failures. From the pile of fabrics I started out with, I never would have guessed I’d get such a mushy indistinctly patterned quilt. As far as a color recipe goes I should have been spot on- a secondary triad (orange- green- purple) with a couple of analogous accents, a few lights and darks for contrast. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased, and surprised. I also wouldn’t necessarily have thought I could make something that glowed, and actually radiates perceived heat. ( the photo is dark, so you have to trust me on that.)

That is one of the things I enjoy so much about this medium. Surprises at every turn.

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100_0865_edited.jpg

Go check out my most recent post on the war project. The first 10 + % is now hanging!!!

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